


I had a friend once

by eternaluniverse



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s12e01 Spyfall Part 1, F/M, The Master Has Issues (Doctor Who)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-24 21:14:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22124548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternaluniverse/pseuds/eternaluniverse
Summary: "The Doctor did not understand what was happening to her. She felt save with O that close. She wanted to hug him, hold him tight and never letting go. She wanted to cry in his arms and tell him everything about Missy. She wanted to hold his hand. She wanted to kiss him."She still could not understand what happened with Missy and it still hurt. And there he is, O, who she only met once before and who seems to look right into her hearts.The Doctor during the Events of Spyfall Part 1.
Relationships: The Doctor/The Master (Doctor Who), Thirteenth Doctor/The Master (Dhawan)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 124





	I had a friend once

**Author's Note:**

> This story wouldn’t leave my thoughts, so here it is. I haven’t posted a fanfiction for years now, so it’s a new beginning for me too.  
> Also, English isn’t my mother tongue and this isn’t beta-ed (yet). So please be honest with me, if it’s possible to read this story or if I still need to improve my writing before publishing. 
> 
> I think that’s enough of me, have fun!

She should have known it, the moment O know more about these creatures than she did. She should have known it, when she stepped inside his Tardis. She should have known it, when he got the electric shock, a shock that would have killed a human. She should have smelled him. She should have telepathically felt, that it was him.

_Nothing new than, Doctor, isn’t it?! The last time you thought the Master, Missy, was a droid…_

But of course, as always, the Doctor didn’t know it, till it was to late.

She was lying on her back, in the middle of the red grass and was watching the sunrise of the second sun. To her left the trees bowed softly in the wind, the silver leaves dancing around. She knew, she just needed to turn her head to see the Citadel. The Doctor was home.

“What are you doing?” Slowly she sat up, seeing the little boy who was watching her with curiosity in his gaze. It hurt her to see him, and she did not know why. “What are you doing here?” She asked him. “I’m waiting for you.” He was giggling at his words. The Doctor looked at him, could not understand what was wrong. But something was terrible wrong.

“Koschei, I don’t understand…” Something changed, and she needed a moment to realise, that it had become dark around them. “You don’t need to understand… just please, don’t leave me alone.” He sounded so lost, like a little child so far away from home. And here he was… just a boy, begging her to stay.

“Always, I’m never going to leave you, I promise!” She saw tears in Koscheis eyes when he looked at her. “But you did. Doctor you left me. You left me to die.” “No, no. What are you talking about?!” “How could you do this!” The moment he started to scream he was no longer the innocent child he once was. The Doctors eyes just stopped to work and left her in darkness, but his voice… she knew his voice. It felt as if all his selves she ever met screamed at her together.

“How could you do this?! How could you leave me to die?!” “I didn’t! I swear you I didn’t, and I never would!” But the moment the words left her mouth she knew that she was lying. She failed her oldest friend, so only person in the universe who truly knew her. She closed her eyes in shame.

“Doctor, help me.” Her eyes flew open. “Missy?” she whispered. She wasn’t on Gallifrey anymore and her hearts stopped for a moment when she realised where she was. The Mondasian ship in the event horizon of a black hole. “No, please, no, not again!” She did not even know what she was begging for. The Doctor just wanted this whole nightmare to stop.

This was the moment she realised, that she was dreaming. But it didn’t matter. I just didn’t matter. “Missy, please, where are you?! Missy! Missy, please!” Her legs stopped supporting her weight and the Doctor sank on her knees. “Don’t leave me, Missy please. Stand with me. This time, just this once. Give me this, please.” But as much as she begged her childhood friend didn’t appear. Instead she heard her scream for help and the Doctor could do nothing to save her.

The Doctors eyes flew open. Here hearts were racing, and she needed a moment to realise, that she was laying on the floor of the Tardis. Something was ringing next to her ear and with a moan she turned away. “Thank you, old girl, please stop it.” The ringing the Tardis used to wake her up stopped and the Doctor brought herself back in a sitting position.

She could still hear Missy, begging for her help. _“Doctor, help me!”_ The Tardis hummed to give her comfort, but the Doctor couldn’t shake the dream of. “Something happened that day… something I missed… Why didn’t she try to find me?!” Sexy gave her no answer. “She was changing… this makes no sense.” _“I need you to know we’re not so different. I need my friend back.”_

The Doctor could feel tears running down her cheeks. “She left me, knowing that I was going to die… And she still followed her past self… I need to stop, I know, I know…” Sexy just hummed quietly. _“Stand with me, it’s all I ever wanted.” “Me too.”_

The Doctor jumped up, shaking her head, until her neck hurt. “I’m going to pick up Yaz, Graham and Ryan right know! What do you think? I will repair you later. Promise. Just please, don’t blow up yet.” The sound the Tardis made sounded like giggling. “Thanks, Sexy. This day is going to be wonderful!”

Hours later in Os little house in nowhere, just after she picked up Ryan, the Doctor realised, that she had no idea what to do. She didn’t like the feeling of knowing nothing! She had so many ideas running through her head, but none of them was helpful. She felt bad, for not being there for Yaz who was still in shock, but after she realised the girl was alright, she couldn’t stop trying to find a solution. “Doc? Doc?” She startled at Grahams voice. “Yes, yes?” “I’m going with Yaz. She needs to sleep, and I don’t want her to be alone. Are you okay with that?” The Doctor was confused for a moment, why did he even ask her. “Yes, yes…” Her thoughts where still with the creature and the whole universe that was in danger. In the corner of her eye she saw Yaz and Graham enter the Tardis. Only moments later her thoughts were interrupted again. “I think I’m going to bed, too.” Ryan sounded exhausted and a part of her was ashamed for being so uninterested about what was happening with her friends. But of course, humans and their need to sleep ALL the time! She nearly went back in her thoughts when she realised, that O was still sitting opposite to her. “Don’t you want to sleep too?” “I’m not really tired. It’s too much happening!” Well, at least some humans seemed to understand her.

O started to talk. “So, what do you think these creatures are, Doctor?” “I don’t know.” She was ashamed to say this. “But I’m going to find it out, I promise!” He gave her a weird look, but she did not care. “There were so many of them… don’t you think we need help? No offence, I know that you’re good, really, really good, but don’t you think we need support? Maybe the army?” The Doctor did not even know why, but it sounded as if O was mocking her. “No, I hate soldiers! They just make everything worse. No Army!” _“Armies are for people who think they’re right._ The Doctor swallowed hard.

“Everything alright, Doctor? You look sad?” She lifted her gaze, looked at him surprised. How would he know? “I’m just thinking about an old friend… Haven’t seen her in a long while. I miss her.” And she still could not understand what happened and why? Did she really misinterpret Missy that much? More than 70 years inside the vault. For nothing. _I don’t understand. What happened to you?_ The last time the Doctor had seen her childhood friend, she went with her younger self, left her (him) to die. But what happened?! She felt the tears prickle in her eyes and stood up abruptly. “You said you can play chess, the last time we met each other. Do you want to play a game?” O looked at her with something in his eyes she did not really get. “Yes, of course. Let’s try it.”

That was all she needed. The Doctor stormed of in the Tardis, ran past the control room and opened the first door she found. The moment she door closed behind her she sank to the ground an let her tears run down her checks. “I’m sorry, old Girl. I just miss her so much! I don’t understand it at all… it hurts, that she left me to die… and I still have the horrible feeling, that I missed something, that Missy needed me, and I just left her alone, again.” The Tardis started to hum for her. The Doctor forced herself to wipe her tears away and stood up. “Can you give me a chess game, please.” She asked the Tardis who help her and gave it to her as she always did, and the Doctor went back to the ex-agent.

The Doctor came back to O and put the game on a little table the man had set between them. “You know the rules?” The moment she spoke the words, she felt stupid. Of course, he knew the rules! “Yes.” He gave her a really strange grin. “Well, then let’s get started.”

She was surprised. Really, properly surprised. This man was not only good in his fight about the unknown creatures, he also could play chess. Really, really good. The Doctor was used to humans who wanted to play a game with her and how could she say no? But most of the time it was utterly boring. It did not matter how good her opponent thought he or she was, the Doctor always won (or did loose to make them smile, but both of them knew the real winner). Most of the time they were finished in under five minutes (or even faster).

But O was different. The sun was starting to rise and the Doctor still haven’t found a way to defeat him. And he was still talking with her, making a lot of theories about the creatures and how to defeat them (some of his ideas sounded quite good). He also told her storys about his time at MI6 and made her laugh more than she thought it was possible. To be honest, she was not sure when she had laughed that much (in such a situation, anyway) and it felt so good to leave all her dark thoughts behind. O was truly a wonderful person.

In the end she won. “HA! I did it!” O snorted amused. “You really did.” He was grinning, not looking at all disappointed. “Nice Doctor, it was a long time since I played with someone who actually could play chess!” The Doctor moaned. “I know the feeling. It’s terrible and most of the times so boring. Thank you for playing that good!” O snored again. “It was a pleasure, Doctor.” He was smiling at her in a strange way and she could not grasp, why it was so hard for her to read his expressions. What did he think about her? She was really curios. And he really could play chess!

O was nearly as good as a Time Lord… Still, she was very certain, that the Master would have beaten him in only a few minutes. Most of the time she played against Missy, her oldest friend won, but at least both of them had a lot of fun and a little challenge for the Doctor. Everytime she (he) defeated Missy, she felt so proud.

She briefly realised, that it was already late morning by now. She did not care, did not even gave a second thought about her friends inside the Tardis. They probably still slept… Humans after all… As well as O who made her feel understood for the first time in years. This did not make any sense!

The Doctor did not understand what was happening to her. She felt save with O that close. She wanted to hug him, hold him tight and never letting go. She wanted to cry in his arms and tell him everything about Missy. She wanted to hold his hand. She wanted to kiss him.

The Doctor was shocked about her own thoughts. What was happening with her?! _Stop it, Doctor, pull yourself together! He’s only human!_ Her eyes started to flicker over Os face, memorising every detail. Why did she feel like she had known him her whole life? She felt a pang of guilt… he was not Koschei! No one except the Master was allowed to make her feel this way. But she felt so lonely, the Doctor just wanted to have someone she could actually trust. Was it really possible, that a man she just met once before, made her feel the same way no one except her oldest friend in the universe could make her feel? This did not make any sense. The Doctor felt so guilty for just wanting to hug O and never let him go. “Doctor?” He asked her and she opened her mouth, not sure what she would say…

The moment was broken by Yaz who just stormed out of the Tardis. “I need air…” she mumbled and left the house. Ryan followed only seconds later. The Doctor pointed at the door and he went after the girl. “Well than, back to work?” The Doctor realised, that it was more a question than anything else. As much as she knew that she needed to sort this situation, she didn’t want that moment to stop. “I would say so. Let’s get started.” O said and that was all she needed to hear.

After the Doctor left the game, she got wrong, she walked through the rooms, trying to find Daniel Barton. She only realised she held her phone in her hand, when she already opened What’s App and clicked on O’s chat. _What’s happening with me?!_ But it did feel so right…  
 _Just do it, Doctor. Just this once…_ The voice in her head sounded like Rose and her fingers started typing before she made her mind up.

**Want to play chess again?  
Really liked it.  
xxx **

She pressed send before her mind proceeded what she just did. The next moment the Doctor just wanted to be swallowed by the floor under feet. Just a deep hole where she could fall in right know. She didn’t just send O kisses, didn’t she?! Yes, she did… River used to do that too, she remembered. The memory hurt and the Doctor pushed it away. It did not matter right know.

What mattered was, that the tickmark just turned blue. O read her note which made her cheeks go red. Why did he not answer? _Answer, please… I’m so ashamed_. He was writhing and her hearts started to pound in her chest. _What’s wrong with you, Doctor?!_ She giggled nervously and the people next to her gave her a weird look. Finally, (finally !!!) his answer appeared.

**I really would like it.**

The Doctor started to grin. Well, that was something, wasn’t it. But wait, he wrote again.

**But I warn you, I’m going to win!**

**We’ll see about that.** (She typed, her grin growing wider.)

**I promise you.  
I win! **

_“I win.”_ The Doctor felt a shiver down her back. _“You win.” “I know.”_ Why could Missy, the Master, not leave her memories for now… Maybe because O just wrote the same words the dying Master whispered to her (him). There it was… the pain in her soul. Again.

She put the phone back in her coat and was glad to see Daniel Barton enter the room. She followed him, saw O and Yaz. “Time for a chat.” The Doctor deliberately grazed O when she followed Barton. No time to think about it know. Time to realise what was happening here!

“You best take a look out of the window.” The Doctor’s hearts nearly stopped when she saw a Tardis outside the window. No, that was not possible! No, no, no! He could not be a Time Lord. Not now, not now! That made no sense at all.

“Oh, come on, Doctor, catch up, you can do.” He was having to much fun. A terrible realisation crossed her thoughts. Deep inside she already knew it. The Doctor opened her mind, reached telepathically to O (no, not O, she knew who he was. Who else could it be?) who let his shields down. Just a little, but enough for her to finally, finally feel who he was. “Oh!” That was not possible! No, that could not be true! No, no, no.

“That’s my name and that’s why I chose it. So, satisfying. Doctor, I did say look for the spymaster… or should I spy Master.” She saw him breath out as if he had held his breath until his chosen name left his lips. _No, Please._ “Hi”

“You can’t be!” _What happened to you, what happened on that ship to bring all your hatred back?! Please, that’s just a joke, isn’t it?_ “I can be, I very much am.”

“So, what’s going on then, he’s not really O?” Oh, oh, oh, oh… just an innocent question. “I’m her best enemy.” The Doctor felt her hearts crack. She thought they reached past this point. _“I am your friend!” “Maybe it’s time for us to become friends again.”_

The moment he started laughing for the first time the Doctor knew that there was nothing she could do. He looked mad. He was mad. (The Doctor was ashamed for thinking about him this way.) A look in the Master’s eyes told her, that he left sane thoughts, probably just listening to the drums.

_“But it hurts… it hurts Doctor, the noise. The noise in my head, Doctor. 1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4.” “Every star in the universe, and we’re going to see them all!” “Look at us know.”_

Every respect she felt for him, for Missy and how she learned to accept the terrible things she had done in her past, disappeared in the background of her mind the moment he showed the shrunken, dead (and real) O.

He was blinking to much, laughing, switching from mood to mood and she knew, that there was nothing, she could do. And worst of all she knew that the Master was a genius. This needed to stop right now! But of course, everything went wrong.

_“I was never good at sprinting.”_ Of course, of course… who else would play such a wicked game with her but the Master. A lie wrapped in a lie.  
 _“Do you remember my father's land back home? Pastures of red grass stretching far across the slopes of Mount Perdition. We used to run across those fields all day.”_

The plane went down and there was nothing (NOTHING) she could do to stop it. “One last thing, something you should know in the seconds before you die. Everything that you think to know is a lie. Got you. Finally.” There was some much pain in his eyes that made her realise that she missed something. She really, really missed something.  
She saw him teleport, probably back to his Tardis, leaving her and her friends to die. She saw the creatures, more afraid of them than before, now that she knew who was in control.

Then, she was gone…

The Doctor lifted her head, let her eyes wander around. “No, no, no, no, no!” 

_Master, please, stop. Listen to me! Missy, please, please Missy... Please, Mistress, just listen to me. Think! Master, PLEASE!_

The Doctor knew where she was.

_Koschei, oh Koschei, what have I done?_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> I hope it wasn’t to bad. I would be really happy about a review, let me now what you thought about it. (And don’t hesitate to tell me if my English is still to bad to actually post a story.) 
> 
> What do you think about the episode? Personally, I liked it much more than season 11, but it still felt not that much like Doctor Who…more like an action movie with Doctor Who elements. (But I liked the end and think, that this season could be really exciting!)
> 
> And the Master…  
> I mean he’s probably a younger version, but I like the idea, that Time Lords meet in sync, so I hope that’s not the case. (Okay, after watching “A brief history of the Master”) Not so sure anymore… They basically said, that the Simm!Master regenerated into Missy. As long as they have an explanation, and don't destroy Missys story arc, I’m happy with this! 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
